If you’re anything like me, you’re not happy with your anti-virus software, and I’m sure we’re not alone. It got me thinking “how can companies get this simple product so wrong?”, so I decided to dig deep to figure out why I wasn’t happy. Sure, they all have the same problems, whether it’s surprise subscription fees, annoying alerts, or high computer usage, but we can get past those. The real problem is that every anti-virus software offers the same features – they detect and eliminate harmful viruses, and some even make your computer faster, but they’re all missing one thing.
None of them let me fuck my dad.
At this time, you can’t find a single anti-virus software that will let you have sex with your own father. That’s an indisputable fact, and a shocking one at that. Seeing this tremendous gap in potential, and my high demand for it, I’ve invented an anti-virus software that not only rids your computer of unwanted files, but also both legally and socially allows you to fuck your dad. Let me explain how it works.
To start, simply click the aptly named “Start Scan” button.
This will initiate the system to scan your computer to ensure any unwanted files are located and removed. The job gets done within three minutes, and runs in the background so no annoying alerts pop-up until the scan is absolutely done.
It’s as simple as that. There’s no hassle and no fuss, plus it’ll even give you an analysis on other ways you can speed up your computer, such as removing unused programs, or consolidating your files and folders.
Next, your email contacts will be automatically imported into the system from your Gmail, Outlook, or other email provider. At that time, the system will send our irreversible template email that notifies all of your friends and family that both you and your father are in a sexual relationship. That will ensure that no loved ones think an awful, non-consensual, incestual relationship is going on between you and your father. With this feature, you and your family can sleep tight knowing that you and your father are in a consensual, incestual relationship.
But that’s not all.
My program will instantly file an emancipation form in your name, legally unbinding you from your father, ensuring that you and your dad can have sex freely without violating any local law.
As simple as that, every single aspect of your computer’s protection is taken care of.
I know what you’re thinking: “Thank you.”
And what I’m saying? “You’re welcome.”
At the end of the day, I’m no different than you. I like my computer to run quickly, and I like having intercourse with my own father. Let me help you make that journey.
To order, send a $300 cashier’s check to the Shakey’s Pizza Parlor on La Brea (I’m the manager). Limited to one order per Dad.
[divider top=”no”]