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Graydis was only one of three dragons left in a world once thickly populated with dragons. He was on his way to mate with the last female dragon, Kirdana, but he was dreading it. Kirdana was nice enough, especially considering the slim pickings, but having sex with dragon women was awful.
Male dragons had smooth, almost glass-like phalluses, however, female dragon vaginas were filled with sharp barbs. They were a vestigial trait from eons before to help dragon mate while in the air. Many dragons would slip out in mid-flight. Ironically, the barbs became so awful that the male dragons began avoiding mating at all costs. Most were happy just to pleasure themselves and call it a day. Graydis greatly preferred it.
As he soared through the air he psyched himself up. He thought of Kirdana’s beautiful, glittery scales and long powerful neck. He imagined his body perfectly fitting over hers, her tail pressing to the side and flirtingly slapping against his body. Then he got to the part where he had to enter her. He grit his teeth thinking about the barbs tugging and ripping at his flesh as he pulled away. Going in was never difficult because of how the barbs were faced, but pulling out was absolutely horrendous.
He knew Kirdana would want to do it multiple times, since he’d blown her off many times before, telling her that he had some villages to destroy. Unfortunately almost all the villages were destroyed, except for one which he liked very much. They often left out goats and other sacrifices for him. He knew better than to bite the hand that fed him, but “Fuck” he thought, “maybe I should just tell her that they forgot to send me worship so I have to destroy them. That’ll buy me at least a day.” He knew he had to bite the bullet this time, though. He’d held it off too long, plus the fate of his species rested in his hands.
The one other dragon alive, Falton, had lucked out. He had lied to the dragon community and told them that a group of savage humans cut his phallus off. It caused the other male dragons to embark on a pilgrimage to destroy hundreds of human villages in retaliation. Really they couldn’t care less about Falton, and had destroyed the villages to avoid having sex with their girlfriends.
Falton’s phallus was not gone at all. It was safe under bandages, which he always kept on to keep up his ruse, that is until he decided to touch himself, which was twice a day.
Graydis was jealous of him. There weren’t nearly enough humans to make a believable, similar lie, plus he had a guilty conscience when it came to lying. He was stuck as Kirdana’s only possible mate. Again, she wasn’t that bad. In fact, she was funny and a delight to be around, but Jesus Christ, that vagina was just awful.
The hope was that she would get pregnant, have 100 dragon babies, and then ignore him so that he wouldn’t have to do it again. Dragon women were often like that after having babies. He chanted, “You can do this,” to himself as he swooped into her dwelling, a cave with a classy, scorched opening and human skeleton welcome mat. He nodded his head in approval as he flew in.
There she was, stirring a boiling bog with her long index claw. She gave him a cheerful smile and welcomed him in. She must have been cooking something for them. He was tense, but decided to relax. At least she hadn’t jumped him out of nowhere.
They started to talk as she continued cooking. They talked about the humans and battles they remembered. He was surprised that they had been in a few of the same dragon battles but hadn’t seen each other. He found her more charming each second, more charming than he had even remembered. He had always seen her in passing only, like when they were sieging the last human kingdom, or scorching the grasslands.
Dinner was delicious. It was a stew of 30 goats, with a human girl garnish. She gave him a wink and jokingly made him promise not to tell the grassland shepherd, the father of the girls in the stew. Without realizing it, they had transitioned to curling their bodies into the corner and talking. Graydis thought that maybe Kirdana wasn’t interested in mating after all. After all, she had made no mention about the dragon’s impending extinction or how horny she was, something she often had brought up in the past when they had seen each other.
Graydis felt safe when suddenly her tail slid up his thigh. He popped up, “You know I better get going, actually,” he stammered as he came up with a lie, “I would hate for the shepherd to see my dwelling empty and assume it was I who killed his daughters, uh, even though I ate them with, uh, you, welp.”
He stamped away unnaturally, as if his lie had made him forget how to walk. She let out a heavy sigh that made him stop in his tracks. “It’s my vagina, isn’t it?” she said, already knowing the answer.
He gulped, wanting to say no, but he waited too long. He saw a tear sparkle down her cheek. His stomach grew heavy and his distaste for lying overcame him.
“Yes,” he said. He couldn’t help but be curt. He figured over-talking would just make it worse.
She knuckled the tear away, “I know my vagina must be awful, but don’t I deserve some pleasure, too?”
He didn’t know what to say, so like a typical dragon man, he tried to fix the issue, “You could always touch yourself.”
She scoffed, “It’s so easy for you boy dragons, isn’t it? You can just put your hands all over yourself and it’s all just fun, huh?” She held up her hand, scarred and damaged, “This is what happens when I touch myself!?”
Seeing her hand he was relieved that it didn’t seem like they were going to have sex, but he felt guilty. He thought about how hard it must be for her. He wanted to help, but didn’t know how.
She continued, “I can’t even blame you either. I wouldn’t want to do it. I just thought, maybe it would be different.
“I could put a tree trunk in you,” he said, immediately regretting it.
Her jaw dropped, “Like I’m some kind of dirty Wyvern? I’m not putting a TREE TRUNK in me.”
His neck hung low, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just trying to help.”
“You should just go,” she said, barely able to hold back a storm of tears. He considered staying, but knew he could be of no help. He stuttered out, “Thanks for dinner,” then flew out of her dwelling.
As he soared back to his cave he thought about how sad Kirdana had looked. He couldn’t imagine how lonely she must have been. At least Gradydis and Falton could pleasure themselves. Kirdana had to live her life feeling unwanted. He thought about how beautiful she had looked. He hadn’t noticed until then, but she had obviously put extra care into her appearance. His nostrils flared, trying to take in the memory of her scent, which had been stronger than he had ever remembered. The feeling of her tail sliding up his thigh had aroused him. But that vagina, though… If only there was a way.
As he continued on his flight he saw the shepherd wandering aimlessly through the fields, crying. It was obvious that he had come to the realization that his daughters were dead.
***
Kirdana wiped the cow’s blood from her cheeks and got ready for bed. She didn’t bother cleaning the bog. She didn’t have the energy. All she wanted to do was fall asleep and forget about the day. Deep down, she had known the night was bound to be bad no matter what. She knew how male dragons were after sex: pained and afraid.
She layed in bed, unable to sleep when she heard, “Ahem.” She craned her neck up and saw Graydis. He held a bouquet of fruit trees in his hand. She squinted at him in the dark, “I don’t understand.”
He had a sly grin on his face, and his eyebrows suggested that she look down. Her eyes traced his body down until she saw it. The shepherd’s skin had been rolled over Graydis’ penis. The mixture of human carcass with Graydis’ magnificent phallus made her heart race. His tail reached to her thigh and slid against it.
A tear sizzled down her glittery cheek, but this time it was a tear of happiness.